Giving Campaign witness statement: Carrie

Vestry member Carrie T.  spoke on Sunday about why St. Dunstan’s matters to her. Carrie based her remarks on the first two questions of the Wondering Together  questions we are exploring this season: Why did you come to St. Dunstan’s, and why do you stay?  

I started coming to St. Dunstan’s in late 2018. The first time I came was much earlier than that. It must have been about ten years ago, shortly after the Reverend Miranda Hassett started here. Like many of us here today, I grew up in a different church tradition, a different church culture. To me church has always meant community, and mine was a strong one. And I’d come to believe that my experience was an anomaly, one that could not be duplicated. Going to church anywhere else, when I bothered to go, felt hollow. 

But it was important to me that I give my child an opportunity to develop his faith. So when I moved to the Madison area, it was important to me that I find a church that was universally accepting, one that truly welcomes all comers and recognizes that each and every one of us, regardless of sexual orientation and gender expression, is made in God’s image and is to be celebrated. I knew that such a church, if I was to ever find one again, was where I needed to be and where my child needed to be.

It was easy to see on the website that St. Dunstan’s was indeed such a church. So I came to St. Dunstan’s, with my husband and my then-four year old, and tried to hide in the back row, like I always had when going into any church other than the one in which I was raised.

Let me tell you: that did not work. You can’t hide in the back in st. Dunstan’s. I mean, some of us still try sometimes, but it’s really really hard.

I have come to understand that St Dunstan’s was in the incipient stages of a transformation back in that time. A renaissance, if you will. Like many churches that I had been in, almost everyone in the pews was two decades older than I was, and often older. The only kid my child’s age was Reverend Miranda and Phil’s youngest child.

But the good people of St. Dunstan’s understood that without new members and kids around, it’s difficult to keep a church alive. And so they were making young families a priority, and were excited to see mine there. After church I tried to sneak out like I usually do, but failed miserably. The kind people of St. Dunstan’s wanted to make sure we knew that we were wanted and welcome. I didn’t know what to make of that! I wasn’t ready to belong again, not like that. So to reward their eagerness, I stayed away. For years, actually.

Until it became apparent that there was no way I could be happy, no way I could raise my child with the values that are so important to me in a community of faith, other than the one at St. Dunstan’s. So we returned years later to discover that the Reverend Miranda and the good people of St. Dunstan’s had breathed more life into the church. It was growing. St. Dunstan’s was making it a priority to make children an active part of the community. Miranda had completed a sabbatical to learn more about how to include kids as active participants rather than disruptive afterthoughts, and it was working. 

Keeping this community going during the pandemic, when so many kids were isolated and only connected with others through online video games, was no small feat and worth more than I can possibly say. Without St. Dunstan’s, I sincerely doubt that my kid would be the happy, more or less well-grounded kid that he is today, and I know that to be true for a lot of us.

The St. Dunstan’s youth program is amazing. When my kid is here he knows he is wanted. When I can’t get him here for church services, he is still super connected to the church through the youth program – the incredible educational and fun sleep-away camps, games, campfires, and more, thanks to Sharon Henes, JonMichael Rasmus, and now, Isa, and Anna too. And so, so many others. And he knows that church and his relationship with God and community is not dependent on putting on a show or going through the motions, because it’s what you’re supposed to do, but rather about meaningful participation and belonging. 

So why do I stay? I stay because of Reverend Miranda. I stay because she is so accepting and loving and wise, and because I am so grateful for her educated insights in the stories ofd the Bible, and because of her amazing capacity to work with us, make us all feel loved and accepted, and inspire us to do more. 

I stay because of the volunteerism at St. Dunstan’s, and the youth group, which until this last year was entirely run by volunteers.

The people of St. Dunstan’s, all of you, are amazing. I learn so much from all of you. We step up for each other to the extent that we are able, because we know that if we don’t, things don’t happen. 

Our community does not succeed without our most important resource, and that is ourselves. We are not a church where we can just hide in the back. Not just because we don’t let each other hide but because we know that if we do, we do not succeed. We create climate initiatives and tap trees and install solar panels and create Scripture dramas for our kids and provide music for services when we were without a music minister,  even if that meant dusting off our super rusty piano playing skills or singing a cappella, because that’s what it takes sometimes, and supporting one another in heartache and joy, and everything in between. 

We step up for our community. Through our new partnership with Jewish Social Services, we have collectively spent thousands of dollars and many many hours in grocery stores, with groceries spilling out of the cart, and learning where to buy culturally appropriate food for refugees and asylum seekers, so that they have a stocked pantry when they arrive in Madison. Because if we don’t step up for each other and our community, who will? 

We each go through times when we can’t contribute as much of our time and talent, for all kinds of reasons. I’m going through one of those times right now myself. So sometimes our contributions ebb and flow. But I know that you all have my back because you have told me so.

So why do I stay? I stay because I am needed by all of you and because I need all of you. I stay because my kid needs you; I stay because you need my kid, and other kids who have infused life into our church.

I stay because I cannot just sit in the back and let everyone else step up.

To that end we give our time, our talent, and yes, our financial contributions to the church, indeed, to each other; because if we don’t, we know we don’t work. We can’t sit in the back and expect church to keep happening.

We can’t always give what we want to – what kinds of contributions we give often fluctuate – but we give what we can. 

And so I come to you all today to ask that you continue to do so. To continue to give what you can, with the understanding that what we can do varies for all of us over times as we progress through different parts of our lives; and to ask if it is possible, for you to increase your giving if you are able. Because if we don’t, who will?